i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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