apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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