I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
