I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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