so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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