He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
