Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
