Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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