he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
