So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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