Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize