i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Randomize
