If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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