bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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