Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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