well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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