You're my little dorito
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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