That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize