found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she told me i tasted like america
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
