Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
