The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
