Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
