I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i now understand why vodka
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
