this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
