FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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