The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
