How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
