turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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