I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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