You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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