i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
