I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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