the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize