I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
