Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
