Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
