Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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