Do you still have your period?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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