suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
