i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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