I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Everyone says I win the strip club
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
