Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
