took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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