i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
