The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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