How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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