I accidentally burped into my bong.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
