turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
