he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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