So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
