While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
