I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
