My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
