he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
