home. puking in laundry basket.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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