The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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