we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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