Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
