I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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