Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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