she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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