Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
