Will you blow on my dice?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
