shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
