Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
